I am blogging from the bathtub: I’m trying to stop feeling bad for myself constantly and I think the best way to counter that attitude is a change in perspective. I want to grow up and live but I complain instead of working. I need to work hard this summer, and every subsequent summer. (I can rest in winter when it’s actually comfortable to rest) If I can’t work or be...
I hate conflicting emotions. I want to stop being so easily persuaded and falling in love with everyone I meet. But I love falling in love with everyone I meet. I just suck at relations. And I need to work on that.
How to make me love you: Make me coffee in the morning Call me ‘pretty’ and ‘skinny’ Let me sleep in That’s it
I adore my friends. I went for AP Art’s annual Kobe’s date with this year’s babies even though I’m an alumni! They were all angels and I adore them and they even ordered my food and didn’t touch any of it until I got there and I was the happiest one!
I feel like I’m going to marry a business major and compromise all of my morals.
Even though we’re being civil, everything sounds too one-dimensional. I don’t think we’ll ever be as close as we used to and this is surprisingly all I ever wanted.
Wow fuck the Great Gatsby, all I want to do is look at pretty lipsticks to splurge on but I’m in the clearance section and there are so many metallic and pretty lashes & eyeshadows and the only reason why they’re appealing is because that’s pretty much all the Great Gatsby was so FUCK. I CAN’T SPEND $50+ ON MAKEUP I WILL PROBABLY NEVER FIND THE CHANCE TO WEAR.
I hooked my parents onto the Great Gatsby and they’re watching the 1974 version right now before they see Gatsby in theatres. And my mom adores the card & gifts we got her! Someone’s paying me to do their work for them. I may be getting a film camera from a friend because he’s rich and throws things like that around all too much. I don’t mind any of this at all!
Someone joked about paying me $100 for every 10 lbs I could/would lose for him… People are fucking shitty.
Hot baths make everything better when it’s not 80F out. Oops. I smell like heaven and my hair smells like heaven and nothing can possibly go wrong tonight.
I have absolutely no idea what I want anymore. I should just stop wanting.
Everything is lovely. I adore food dates in this weather. I really like now. This is honestly the break I needed. People try to make a problem out of everything. I have no patience for them.
Olive and I went park hopping: we drew trees and ate homemade bread before creeping around Park Ave. for stationary and trinkets. I carried my sketchbook with me everywhere, it was lovely. I’m really excited to own my own place and today just reinforced the whole idea; I have a vague idea of how I’d plan to live and how I’d arrange the living spaces, and this makes me sound...
A huge part of me wants to date the rich douchebag with a nice car because that’d be really nice for however long the relationship would last. But then another part of me is like no, you don’t want that at all.
Today was also a good example of a day where I should have but forgot to bring my camera with me.
IOA day trip and a late night beach trip with my favorites. I’m the happiest one but I’m so tired right now but I need to remember to elaborate on it all. It was just perfect vibing all day.
I’ve missed losing sleep over actual people instead of college work! Wow this is really lovely. I have the cutest friends.
I took a nap and woke up to the door ringing. I always feel like I’m in a Miyazaki film walking around barefoot in the rain. It’s lovely. I also had a dream and now all I want to do is compliment people’s pictures in Spanish. I’m still contemplating whether I should or not. And I received mail from my Marine-to-be! He has 29 days left from April 28 (too lazy to do...
I won’t have my car tomorrow but I’m more than ok with this. I am finally done with this semester (albeit I do return for summer semester in two weeks). But first I am going to take a hot bath and catch up on Skins.
I’m so excited to finish studying for finals because that means I can distract myself with books I haven’t finished, plan out better ideas for drives around town, clean my room, and finally sleep and stop worrying.
These past few days have changed my opinion on rainy days: I absolutely adore this weather now.
I’m so bad at being productive, but there is Universal Knights happening in about 2 hours! Everyone bailed on driving out there so it looks like it’ll be a solo trip with Maha! I have about 4 more critiques to do but I’m already past the deadline, so I mean why not make them perfect and not half assed and just finish them tomorrow, instead? But I’m so happy with...
Today was a good but costly day. I treated my parents to lunch for once and had a shopping day. My favorite things I got today was a blazer I’ve been eying for a month and this plum-nude nail color. I’m now broke and have less than an hour to finish an essay and critiques for my speech classmates. But this is ok.
dictionaryofobscuresorrows: n. the realization that the plot of your life doesn’t make sense to you anymore—that although you thought you were following the arc of the story, you keep finding yourself immersed in passages you don’t understand, that don’t even seem to belong in the same genre—which requires you to go back and reread the chapters that you had originally skimmed through to get to...
I had a really lovely day out with Melanie. Bless rainy days. Got good foods and had good conversations and ran into a ton of loves I hadn’t seen in a while! We suck at yolo but it’s ok because we had a gallon of sweet tea around and you can’t ever have a bad day with a gallon of sweet tea.
Bless handsome boys on campus reading Stephen King. He has a nice faded crew cut, I don’t know what you call that. There are a lot of well dressed people on campus. I’m slacking so hard.
I don’t need them back in my life. I don’t care how they’re doing anymore. I don’t need to waste my time caring about them anymore. They don’t matter. I need to stop caring. The sooner I stop, the happier I’ll be.
I had an art field day with one of my lovely friends and instead of an easel we bought things that made us happy instead from sam flax. Along with some art supplies I needed, I bought a kitschy clutch (it is shaped like a makeup bag or a huge pencil case but this doesn’t bother me), a Nightmares/Sweet Dreams notebook: one side is for writing down your night mares and the other for your...
I saw a vintage mustang out on the road on my route to campus. I was jealous of the car, it was in pretty good condition. Then I saw a hand peeking out the window with a cigarette burning. I felt like this moment belonged in a 70s movie. At a light, the car was behind me. Through the mirror I saw the girl driving: she wore sunnies and her red lipstick was on point. At 8 AM. She is my new goal...
I was just kidding, forgetting doesn’t help in the slightest. I forgot how much I cared about people who shouldn’t matter anymore. I need a better comparison though. But tonight felt straight out of a movie. From the rich pretty girls to the walks around the city trying to make sense of everything. I also just want to be really rich.
I typically hate rainy weather but I loved it today. Coffee, rain, sweaters. All so lovely. You’re the only person who makes me feel like hell even when I anticipate it. I’m going to get a handle on my school work because I promise too many people too many things and I will not have time this weekend. I want this semester over, summer semester over, and for it to be autumn. ...
I think my shirt is a child’s button up but we went out for food and got lost on an adventure for a bit before traffic stalled us. But I now own organic shampoo and this is all sorts of ok with me! I’m glad there are people who are down for last minute adventures.
The world doesn’t stop because you’re falling apart. You chose to move away from everyone that cared about you, fully absorb all of your energies into a job that you hate but you expected will give you success along the way (that never happened), and you expect people to just heed your wishes because you’re ultimately way more important, but surprise! everyone else has their own...
I hardly trackback in my journal; I always imagine my entries to be very embarrassing (they are). But I used to write so succinct and eloquently about every little thing, significant or not, in my life. I want to make that happen again. (But on a side note: I wrote one of the prettiest things when I was the saddest.) I have a love-hate relationship with keeping mementos: nostalgia is a bitch....
I got to sit in class with my favorite buddy in chemistry and it made class 100x more interesting. I’m so excited for baking days; my friends are all dorks, I absolutely adore them. I like being comfortable with everyone, I’m the happiest one right now and today was just the best. We went windowshopping and had good conversations running and it was very very light and really well. ...
Today was so pleasant. I emailed an author. I woke up and ran early before dawn. I got my earring back after losing it. I wasn’t nervous in speech class. The weather wasn’t as cold as anticipated.
I caved and bought some new lippies to try out. I’m going to wear them all the time until it’s the only makeup I’ll ever want to wear and splurge on. Small useless goals, but goals nonetheless.